If I could easily post a status update on Steemit..

..Well I am. I just went to get a big 2l bottle of Strongbow out the fridge like the pikey I am. Turned the cap enough to break the seal, dropped the bottle. I saw it had fizzed up massively like fizzy stuff will when you drop it. Some part of my brain (probably the bit already affected by cider) made me open it anyway. Cue mass spraying of the cheapest cider you can still buy without being a massive tramp, all over me (topless, thankgod, actually) and my kitchen floor. I instantly realise my mistake, put the bottle of cider in the sink, throw a tea towel on the floor to foot-mop up the worst of the spill.. and use an apple scented kitchen wipe to clean myself up. Then continue to pour myself a strongbow when it's calmed down. FANKS APPLES!