A Subtle Kind of Stuck

I don’t know if it’s just me or there’s someone else who can relate to having days when it feels like you’re standing still while the rest of the world moves on without you. This feeling doesn’t come because you made up your mine to be still though but because something in you refuses to move.

On those days, even the smallest things like getting out of bed or holding conversations with people would feel impossible. Existence would hit like it’s an effort.

Whenever this happens, to me, I just sit there, allowing myself to get caught in the frustration of it all, and wondering how I went from someone full of plans, dreams, and determination to someone who feels incapable of doing anything.

It is actually a strange feeling, I mean this kind of stillness. There’s nothing peaceful or restful about it. It just comes with a certain heaviness, overthinking, doubt and pressure of expectations I have placed on myself. Every now and then I get the mental reminders that I should be doing more, even when my body and mind are screaming pause!

And the worst part is that from the outside, nothing looks wrong. lol. The world keeps spinning, people keep moving, and life keeps happening. But inside, I am paused in a moment I cannot escape. Then I begin to question myself. Am I lazy? Tired or afraid? Or am I simply overwhelmed by everything I have yet to figure out?

I suppose it is all of it. Prolly because being incapable is not really about inability, but about living in a world that demands constant motion. Perhaps it is what happens when you have been strong for too long without rest. When your mind is too full, your heart too heavy, and your energy too stretched to keep up.

So I just let it envelope me and sit with it. Definitely not because I want to stay here forever, but because a little birdie told me that forcing movement does not always create progress. It only deepens the exhaustion.

Deep down, I know that beneath all the feeling of being incapable is something waiting for me to catch my breath before I try again.

My response to the Freewriters daily prompt. This was yesterday’s prompt but I didn’t get around to publishing it yesterday hence my late submission.