WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE

Have I ever broken a promise I made to someone? A few times, maybe more times than I can count. I am human, and I am bound to fail in some aspects, although what is important is trying to be better as a person and as a human. And also, sometimes when I make promises and break them, maybe it means that my feelings have changed or the circumstances have changed; it could mean that I no longer see a future with you in it or that things beyond my control have taken place, thereby hindering me from making my promise; it could also mean that I do not care anymore or that I am exhausted by the constant need to meet up with promises and requests.

source

I remember that in 2017, I broke up with my first love and boyfriend. I just had to let him go, despite all the promises and desires that I had nurtured for about three years prior to that. I wanted to love and remain committed to him, to raise a family, to bear his children, and to grow old together, but I just stopped seeing the future with him. We were both just about to finish university at the time. I was rounding up my project, and he had just been inducted as a medical doctor. I decided to forget all the things we had been through and break my promises to him because he was moving to a different city, the city of rich and classy women–Abuja. I don’t want to feel like I had to compete for my man’s attention and affection since, at that point in my life, I had no idea what I would do after graduation and I had just lost my dad. My future was so uncertain, and I just couldn’t have doubts about a relationship, especially with a man who is slightly promiscuous. I just didn’t want a relationship then; it wasn’t what I needed. He wanted marriage and babies from 2020 to 2021; I just didn’t want a life that revolved around him. I broke my promises to figure myself out.

Simon and I remained close for years after that, although there was radio silence for about six months. I got into another relationship, and we stayed close friends until he got married and even afterwards. There was a time he asked for us to get involved again; he was already married at this point, and I just didn’t want that. It led to a decline in our conversations until we stopped talking all together. We just don’t talk anymore.

How do I feel about it? I feel fine. There is peace knowing that that relationship has come to an end. It has the potential to ruin future relationships, as he was my first love. I am sure that we all have that soft spot for our first loves, especially if they were good people. Promises, promises. We all make them; it takes a certain kind of grace and determination to fulfil them. We just have to keep trying to be better people, after all.