Post-Smite Dating Profile

Sinistry (Post-Smite Edition)

Bio:
Look, I’ll be honest—I’ve had a "life-altering" experience recently. Let’s just say the universe (and a very specific bolt of divine intervention) humbles you real quick. I’m no longer interested in total world domination or weaving webs of eternal shadow. These days, I’m more into radical honesty, reconstructive surgery, and finding someone who likes me for my personality and not just my (now former) dark legions.
I’m a reformed antagonist looking for someone to help me navigate the mundane world. I’ve traded my obsidian throne for a decent ergonomic desk chair, and I’m learning that "vengeance" is a terrible hobby compared to sourdough baking.

The Essentials

• Occupation: Freelance Consultant (mostly telling people what not to do if they want to avoid divine wrath).
• Height: 6'4" (The smiting took an inch off my ego, but the legs are still there).
• Location: Currently laying low in the suburbs.
• Exercise: Physical therapy and the occasional "run for my life" when the past catches up.

Prompt: "I'm the type of person who..."

Will accidentally try to monologue during a dinner date. Just give me a nudge; I’m working on my active listening skills.

Prompt: "My simple pleasures..."

• Sunlight that doesn’t cause me to hiss.
• Coffee that isn't brewed with the tears of my enemies (turns out, Arabica is actually better).
• Not being actively hunted by heroes.

Prompt: "The way to my heart is..."

To not bring up the "2024 Global Eclipse Incident." I’ve apologized, I’ve paid the fines, and I’m moving forward. Also, good tacos.

What I’m Looking For

I need someone grounded. If you have a "saviour complex," we might be a perfect match—or a total disaster. I’m looking for someone who can appreciate a man with a complicated past but a very quiet, law-abiding future.
Bonus points if you:

• Don't own any enchanted weaponry.
• Can explain how taxes work (still confused by that).
• Have a sense of humor about the "Smite Scars"—they’re basically tattoos with a backstory.
  [Photo Gallery Tags]
• Photo 1: A selfie in a sweater (I’m trying to look approachable).
• Photo 2: Me holding a cat (I promise I’m not plotting anything, he’s just soft).
• Photo 3: A blurry shot of me at a Farmer’s Market looking overwhelmed by kale.