Throwback Video 014/015

The opus! This may not be the version to reflect as much, but in my opinion this is the best song I ever wrote. I remember sitting on the concrete with the Gretsch Way Out West, practically going mad trying to come up with a song, but nothing would come to mind. This was a turbulent time. The tension between the drummer and I had become so strong we finally had to recognize it was done. Friends started falling away, the house was in shambles, everything was coming down so fast and so hard I had not taken the time to reflect on how it all, but sitting down on the concrete, practicing new chords and new voicings for old chords, I finally let go of my desire to create a new song, and the moment I freed up my mind from worrying about what I though I should be doing, the song came to me almost all at once. I began my old rhythm of cycling between playing/singing, and writing down whatever came out. By the end of it, I had this composition, which for me spoke volumes of my current reality. I could go into detail on each line and its meaning, but as before, I don't think that adds to the value of the song. I will tell you, however, that back then, Fat Tuesday was one of my aliases, and Ying Ciao was something I made up, which referred to a situation in which you're unlucky enough to get into a really bad situation, but lucky enough to make it out without too much damage...so that line refers to the paradigm shift that was happening while the song was written.
The last lines are my favorite. I remember thinking about what a bad year it had been, and thinking about my years in the army, wondering if I had any good years to look forward to...and then it hit me - when you cut down a tree and see the rings, some are thick and some are thin, each ring is different, and is a product of that year's weather and conditions - but the tree doesn't complain about bad years or hope for good ones...it just tries to survive and grow, and when it's all over, the wood shows the story of all those years together, in a beautiful grain.
Lyrics:
Well I've never been a vision of perfection and I've lived long enough to see my pedestal grow old. And I've learned no matter how true the words, some folks don't wanna hear your story told.
But oh mama mama, my heart is breaking
But I'll get by somehow
Sleeping under the circling stars, by the racing water, under the black silhouetted trees You know I'm sorry because I love you so much but I just, can't tell you what that means No I can't tell you what that means
So Ying Ciao was feelin' lucky and Fat Tuesday was happenin' all around The celebration was going on, but you couldn't hear a sound
And Ying Ciao began to feel his neutrality, slipping away
And he said: pour me another glass of wine my friend I need another drink esta noche, no?

Let me tell a little story my friend, but why tell about what I can still show? He said this scar is from my youth you see, and this one is from the war This bit of old tattoo you see is a shield over my broken heart,
and I don't know why, I don't know why it always is,
things don't seem to do quite like they did
yeah I don't know why, it always is,
things don't seem to do quite like they did
And the bartender said yeah man I know man, I remember days that were better than this
I think I might be thinkin' about the same days that you seem to be beginning to be missing Seems like I used to see such brighter rays comin' off of the sun
Think it mighta had something to do with the way I used to smile at everyone and I don't know why, I don't know why it always is
Things don't seem to do quite like they did
Yeah I don't know why it always is,
Things don't seem to do quite like, they did
But oh mama mama, my heart is breaking,
but I'll get by somehow cuz I know
Some years are bad and some years are good,
but in the end, it's really only all just a part of the wood yeah, Some years are bad, and some are good,
and in the end, it's really only all, just, a part of, the wood
R. Laird 2008
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