¿Es Posible Educar Sin Ser Autoritario? (Esp/Eng)

Saludos amigos y amigas de la comunidad @motherhood espero que todas las madres y los padres de esta comunidad se encuentren muy bien y por supuesto disfrutando de sus hijos.El dia de ayer tuve la oportunidad de ver una charla TEDx de dos hombres, que creo son hermanos, sus nombres son Jorge Bucay y Demian Bucay. Mi hijo se había dormido temprano y pues vi la charla de aproximadamente 30minutos de duración. La verdad es una charla que recomiendo muchísimo para todos los padres y madres, la crianza no es algo sencillo, requiere estar involucrado y estar muy presente con nuestros hijos para poder hacerlo, lo mejor posible. Al final de esta publicación les dejaré el link de la charla que les he comentado, de hecho esta publicación se basa en dicha charla.

Greetings friends of the @motherhood community, I hope all the mothers and fathers of this community are doing very well and of course enjoying their children.yesterday I had the opportunity to see a TEDx talk by two men, who I believe are brothers, their names are Jorge Bucay and Demian Bucay. My son had fallen asleep early and so I watched the talk, which lasted about 30 minutes. The truth is a talk that I highly recommend for all fathers and mothers, parenting is not something simple, it requires to be involved and be very present with our children to be able to do it, as best as possible. At the end of this publication I will leave you the link to the talk that I have mentioned, in fact this publication is based on that talk..

One of the things that caught my attention in the Bucay's talk was that phrase. They showed an image of a wall where it was written: With authority you don't educate, you train. For someone like me, who was a child of the neighborhood raised in the 90s, it is difficult to try to understand that rewards and punishments do not work when we talk about human beings, trying to educate in that way is conditioning and in the long run it may be worse. Sometimes I ask my son not to walk around the house barefoot and I tell him in an imperative tone "Put on your flip-flops because otherwise I won't give you jelly", that is to say:.

If you don't do A - I don't give you B

We all make that mistake, almost always. And I have understood that it is a mistake because if I tell him that I WILL NOT GIVE HIM SOMETHING THAT REPRESENTS A PLEASURE FOR HIM, I am going to increase the desire for that thing that he wants, and in the long run this can generate resentment and of course that what we want our children to do, they will do it reluctantly, without understanding why they should do what we ask them to do.

Authority Vs Paternity

The respectful approach I confess, before I became a parent, seemed impractical and unrealistic to me. But after examining the evidence and arguments that exist today, it is foolish to say it doesn't work, and at least as a parent, I am trying every day. When we are authoritarian we scold, yell and threaten on the contrary when we are paternal, we focus on guiding, motivating and teaching, a parent should be a teacher, not a figure to be feared.

Educating is motivating our children

When we change the approach of how to educate, we obviously have other results, we have to be patient but the results can be spectacular. It would no longer be blackmail in which we say "If you don't eat your food I won't let you go out to play". In the paternalistic approach we would change the formula:

If you do A, will probably happen B.

That is, instead of saying to my son: "Son, if you walk barefoot in the yard I won't give you Jell-O," I should change the sentence to: "Son, if you walk barefoot you can bury a glass in your foot and that would be painful, you could get sick: Son if you walk barefoot you can bury a glass in your foot and that would be painful, you could get sick" Maybe the last example sounds a little drastic but it gives him more information about what could happen to him if he walks barefoot, I am giving him information about the consequences of what he does, I am not blackmailing him. That's just an example, sometimes he doesn't want to take a bath and lately I tell him: Let's give you a bath so we can also play with water and take the opportunity to bathe the dinosaurs". With that last sentence, instead of blackmailing him, I make the situation more than a duty, I make it an enjoyment, a game. I must say that I am not a perfect parent, but these are certainly tools and approaches that work, you just have to put them into practice and have patience.