Death Head

Image derived from a screenshot of splinterlands death splinter heavily edited by me

Life is beautiful,
but not like a supermodel
No, She's more like a dancer at a strip club.
The one that catches your eye
when you first walk in the place.
She's got an edge on her.
They warn you about her.
Everybody calls her a bitch.
They say that she's harsh...
That she won't treat you fairly.
That she'll leave you in a second.
So you approach her with caution,
wary of the positive signs that she throws your way.
But the more that you engage with her,
the more you flirt
with the idea of a future.
And slowly,
you start to fall in love with her.
And tragedies do happen...
Difficult times...
And you struggle with the challenges she brings.
But through it all,
your love for her only grows,
and you cherish her more each day.
Before you know it,
you're married.
And she's blessing you with children.
And your family brings you so much joy.
As you watch them grow,
filling you with pride and love.

So much love.

And sometimes,
during moments of clarity,
you look back
At all the blessings that she has given you.
And you recognize
how immensely happy you truly are
and the unfathomable extent
to which you love her
and you wonder
with horrifying perplexity...
Why you constantly think about leaving her.

I've been writing this poem for a long time (years). I never really got it to a point where I felt like it adequately presented the metaphor like how I was feeling it. I was finally able to reflect on it during a long drive yesterday and today and penned it out in my head. This was inspired by times in my life in which I was afflicted by thoughts of suicidal ideation. I was then and am now thoroughly happy, with no serious consideration to actually carry out the act, yet I thought about it constantly at the time. I no longer have these feelings, but back then, and to this day, I was vexed and perplexed as to why I was thinking like that, and I wondered deeply (and to a degree still do) what the hell was wrong with me.