Hello, My Familiar!

You change form and yet here we are again. Picking up where we left off.

You've probably heard this concept before, that we only ever go for relations that are familiar due to childhood familial patterns.

Well, my familiar is - sitting in a cold, dimly lit room, listening to The Best of Annie Lennox. Waiting, not knowing if and when you'd show up.

Forever second. And yet you don't even know me. You never have. Because I am not your familiar, I am the exact opposite - I'm the unknown, the stranger, the wildcard, the unpredictable, the uncomfortable. The unknowable.

You try to put labels on me, yet they wouldn't stick and you get mad because you realize that you'll never be able to control me, put me in a box, or "my place" or a gaslit "safety" bubble of perpetual lies.

And that effectively makes me hetaira, the free woman, jezebel, the "bad girl", the unwifeable, because you know I see right through your bullshit and you just don't want to play that way.

Don't get it twisted, I don't need you! I may appreciate you immensely, but I do not need you. In fact, a part of me just wants to run you off, scare you off once and for all in all of your forms. For your own good. Because if it is true what you say, then there is no reason whatsoever for you to be here. And yet..

And yet, you are my lesson to learn, my growth, my patterns, my code, my caliber, my responsibility. So I'll learn and I'll grow. For the best of all concerned.