The lessons you only learn from experience

Someone close to me is always scared of getting married, and his excuse is that he's not financially capable enough and secondly he wants a nearly perfect woman; beautiful, dark skinned, loyal and very much obedient and respectful.

According to him, he already knows a few ladies who are like this, but he feels gwa nut financially capable enough yet.

Third reason is that the guys around him who are married are complaining bitterly, the women they married didn't turn our as good as they would, one of them told him that the wife denies him of intimacy, and the other basically has a toxic wife and he man was blinded by the business prospect of the woman.

So apparently that one married for money, he needed a woman that could help him build a business, someone he wouldn't have pay. He never thought that perhaps he needed something beyond "a business partner", unfortunately the lady was also in it to secure a financially stable future and save herself from getting too old before being married.

The first one's marital problems was a bit complex and the second one, and the second one clearly married because of money. So basically he didn't want to end up like his friends and wants to make money while having the perfect or near perfect woman.

I laugh at him so hard because apparently there are no "perfect women" as he described it. I was having this discussion with him while we were on the go, and someone overheard this discussion and was was quick to tell him that "women are like a burden you get to live with, and you'll only hope to find the one with the burden that's not heavy enough to kill you".

Apparently he has envisaged a great life with a potential great woman, but there's something people don't being committed to a man or woman: time, experience, life circumstances, issues and so many other things can actually change people and sometimes, love or the thing you initially saw that endeared you to them can actually evaporate away.

This doesn't mean people shouldn't set out to look for perfect people, but most times, most arrangements, marriages and all that seems good at the beginning but turns out very bad, or changes and isn't as good as it started out. People change when they feel secured, guaranteed, this is why some people mostly ask for divorce especially when they've stayed for a while in a marriage or they already have kids.

People setting out to meet perfect people aren't perfect themselves, but sometimes we hope to meet people who we feel will be capable of bearing our excesses only to sometimes meet people who are even worse in disguise, sometimes there are more things we don't learn until we experience them, most people look at social media version of marriage; the pictures and the other stuffs and don't even realize that it's a different kettle of fish in reality.

Experience is a gem, this isn't only applicable to this subject matter alone, it's everything in life. This is why people literally don't learn it from schools or acquire it through degrees, it's either you go through it, experience the challenges from your unique point of view, then you'll probably never understand. It's one of the craziest realities of life. This isn't to say perfect marriage don't exist, the point is that most times, people just learn how to live with the excesses of others