Self hidden

Without being shy or ashamed, there are a lot of things I’ve been wanting to adopt as a lifestyle—lifestyles from people that I fancy so much. Likewise, there are aspects of my current lifestyle that I wish to change.

In response to this week’s prompt, which is about ONE THING I WISH TO CHANGE IN MY LIFE, I will focus on just one that ranks highest in my desires—the habit of Introversion.

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Although I know this is a personality trait, and oftentimes, it is hard to change because it is part of how someone is wired, I just want to break free from this lifestyle and become the opposite of it. Being an introvert has restricted me from many good opportunities. Many times, I have tried to force myself to be an extrovert, but it just does not work. I always find myself bouncing back into my introverted life.

How deep is this introverted lifestyle?

My introverted lifestyle is so deep that I feel very uncomfortable in the midst of a crowd, especially when surrounded by unfamiliar faces. My life in school was basically centred around “me alone” or in the company of the only two friends I have. Whenever there was a general function requiring everyone in the faculty or the school at large to gather, if those two friends were not around or by my side, I would feel so terrible and awkward.

This introverted lifestyle has prevented me from making many female friends because I am naturally drawn to outspoken and outgoing people, yet I never find the courage to keep up with them. I have also struggled with meeting new people because of how much I stay indoors. Although I have a lot of friends online—which seems to be a remedy for this—I still believe one needs to have people physically present in their life and not settle for an entirely virtual social life.

I always get jealous whenever I see people who are out there catching all the fun without feeling awkward about it. Whenever I come across social media posts of people attending social gatherings, dancing, eating, playing games, and feeling at home among strangers, I always wish I were like them. I often wish I could swap my introverted lifestyle for theirs so that I could experience what it feels like to be them.

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I do not even know when I started disliking my introverted lifestyle. At first, I was very comfortable with it, and then, all of a sudden, I began wishing I could be more like extroverts. Funny enough, I have seen outgoing friends who wish they were introverts. This shows that what might interest Mr. A might be a turn-off for Mr. B. That is life for us.

Like I mentioned at the start, I have tried severally to pull myself out of this zone and become sociable with ease, but it has not worked. To anyone reading this, if you have a remedy, please drop your suggestions in the comment section.

Thanks.

I wrote this in response to the Hive-reachout prompt.