Challenge #04931-M182: One Little Slip

A human decides to go and learn tons of languages. Ends up using the wrong whistling trill and accidentally insults a saurian's ancestors and has to do a dance-style apology ceremony! -- Bridget Kielas-Fecyk

Humans are versatile vocalists. Many are excellent at imitation. A rare few are creepy at being that excellent. Those are the Humans who are encouraged to become linguist, ambassadorial aids, and First Contact consultants.

It's encouraged, not mandatory. Mostly because of Human Zif.

He was one of the rare ones who was scarily accurate at imitation. At a time when it was mandatory for such linguistic sports to enter ambassadorial occupations. There was just one drawback with this otherwise excellent plan - Zif was absolute pants at languages.

Make no mistake, he could replicate every sound of every language known to the Alliance, and even recite the entire Galactic Standard Alphabet Song. Something the most talented Human mimics have difficulty with. What he could not do was reliably recall on cue which sounds to use when.

Human Zif meant to tell the Rolophines, "We come in peace and harmony. We wish you to enjoy a shared meal and hospitality as is our custom."

Unfortunately, thanks to his confusion regarding which parts of whose languages to use, Zif accidentally told them, "We have come to make musical instruments out of your insides. Please line up for vivisection immediately." Which is, historically, the worst mistranslation since Ambassador Voh'gaan told the Alliance to go stick their heads in a pig.

This particularly hazardous greeting was followed by the clueless Zif taking in the Rolophines' reaction and saying, "What did I say?"

Never, in the field of interplanetary conflict, had so much offence been caused by so few.

Other, less linguistically gifted Humans attempted to vie for peace. With a combination of mime and her badly-prounounced, limited lexicon, Human Saul managed to convey that Zif was an occasionally useful idiot.

At least the Rolophines were willing to wait for a brace of better experts to settle feathers and collaborate with negotiations. Zif was soon drummed out of the Ambassadorial Teams, but not before he made his apologies to the offended parties.

Which, because he was an idiot, resulted in the "I'm A Diddle Daddle Dummins" song and dance.

The Rolophine Ambassador was greatly amused.

[Photo by Tanbir Mahmud on Unsplash]

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