reflections - my toxic trait/s

its entirely possible, that i have toxic traits.
id be a liar to say i didn
but
are the traits i dseem toxic, really all that toxic?
like
am, my neihbour is going through some shit
with the ex
gaining entry to the secure building, and leaving flowers on the doorstep.
in the old days was that not courting?
were women not grateful for flowers from a secret admirer?
but i digress
long story short, she has to move.
they cant move him, because, as she siad, he will still know where she is
ignore the fact that, if shit went down, there'd be a hero at the door to help resolve the issue. instead be amongst new unknowns. again, i digress.
(though reminds me i need to do a post on hero syndrome / good guys)
((so many post thoughts, but, none of them having been written, because i was crap at school, and didnt learn to write monotonous thesis(thee-sigh?)'s, and with no 'teachers input' then it feels like noones actually reading, so why bother)
getting past that now, and just venting for #posterity now
read it
dont
#dilligaf

anyways, again, much diversion
why am i upset, that i have offered moving boxes, trolley, my manpower, and, STILL havent been called upon.
i imagine its similar to what reserves military feel like?
all the training
to do the thing (ive moved, countless times, by hand, at times INTERSTATE ((9 trips 12 hrs each way) TWICE )
i just
i get that some people dont like to ask for help (quietly raises hand)
but we had that conversation
'its not ASKING for help, if ive offered it, countless times'
its not 'a burden' if the participant is willing and eager.
i stopped one short of letting them know that being idle kills me, so any chance to random event is jumped at, be it of detriment to health or not

anyways, just a quick ramble. thought id get some shit off my chest.
too much bottling and not enough aeration makes for a chaotic mind.

havingthe ex here over the weekend, reminded me how many unfinished conversations i have in my head
unfinished sentences even.
if im cut off every time i add a punctuation mark, dont be surprised when i blurt in unformatted. or i start at the middle, to 'get the point accross as quickly as possible' before i have to shut up again