do not mourn me

so, the darkness is creeping in again
i decided to detox
cut ciggies AND weed
AT THE SAME TIME

... what could posily go wrong
and then
we randomly got talking about a user on the #bigo streets, moisty
he recently had a stroke
survived, but everyone is worried
also another user recently had a car 'accident'?
as in, there was something involving a car, but it looks pretty sus, ngl
unfortunately, they lost their lives.
and it got me tjhinking
because
for so long
i have been pushing people away
not letting people get close
cos
i didnt want people to be sad when i pass
so i stopped making friends
and pushed those that i had made, away
so i could be alone
but guess what
once i HAD actually managed to get rid of them all
this weird thing happened
i ...
i started to feel alone
so i joined bigo
and started talking with random people
instilling my knowledge
passing it on before i go

but then, the rewards stopped
and i was no longer getting a bonus, for helping people to do the thing
so i needed a new gameplan
and with that
i became a bigo host
and its going well
im making my quota each month
and the app is paying me
BUT
im starting to form friendships again
and thats where it gets hard for me
i struggle with goodbyes
a lot less than i do with hello's

anyways, just venting
dont stress too much
the darkness tha used to haunt me all night
we made peace
became friends

now my night demons snuggle
pony out