What Power?

Time and time again
It doesn't get better
It doesn't change
It's just a stumble through
Another day
Another disaster
It doesn't change
Always the same
Not what I wanted
That ran away long ago
But was it better
What do I want?
What do I know?
How would I?
I was told what I wanted
Never allowed to choose
But did I?
It's all choices
In the end I created all of this
Or was it Providence?
I know not
The world is too brutal
It can't be all chance
But it isn't all written
Like a book
But is it my will which directs it?
I don't have that kind of power
I don't control the universe
Neither am I a victim
Of nebulous whims
Or winds of time
What is the balance?