I Had A Sleepless Night Today

It is not so good of a dialysis session that I had yesterday because of that power interruption that had messed-up my basically dialysis process. Also, I haven't had any good sleep too maybe because of the medicines that I am taking, the thoughts that comes into my mind, the stress to my thoughts, fears, worries, and all the negative feelings that I am having just affects my sleep.

Well if I would be asked I just wanted to sleep and not get awakened anymore. For me this life although interesting is just a pure hardship for me as if we just live to survive, to pursue happiness which is to me is as slippery as an Eel.

I am just happy and glad that I had met the people who expressed and shown love and support to me because of course not anyone can do that to me.

I am glad and appreciate the beauty of this world with its natural beauty and how now people had made it rather more interesting with regards to technology that somehow made our lives easier especially for me because without this tech that I am using, the Internet, computing, smartphones, then I guess that I would be for certain not around anymore.

Life is hard and I am weak, my body is weak, so weak that I am now dependent on others to even move me now an inch from point A to point B and it does sucks that way because I am bothering people and it should not be the case.

So I should rather die really, not as easy as it sounds because suicide is not on the table. I could not bring it to the table, just forbidden which is unfortunate because my body is just a hard nut to crack. Why on earth my body just won't give-up? I am in misery with my body and mental well-being and it is a torture if I would think about it.

I just hope to die soon but unfortunately my heart is normal in size and I am not feeling that it will conk-out soon. I shouldn't had that Appendectomy last January but I have not much too think as I am in agony with pain so the surgery went on and here I am now continuing to struggle with life if you would call it that.