Liquid assets

Oh man. I suck right now. Like, bad. I've deleted three whole paragraphs of bullshit already just tryin' to write something remotely interesting and unique because I like writing and I want to be good at it but when I suck at it, like I do tonight, I question why I bother with this wicked craft, which is really like a self-inflicted torture ride into insanity every time I do it.

I mean, instead of wasting an hour or more on what probably only I think is real writing I could do something productive, like go online and look at hockey gear like it's pornography. I could look at that gear and try and figure out what asshole I'm gonna pull money out of to get outfitted just so I can do the tryout that I know will tell me I need to take classes before I can join a league because you can't just up and be good at hockey 30 years later, especially when you weren't really that good 30 years ago. The classes will not be free, which means I need to start looking for yet another ass from which to pull money.

I could pull money out of an ATM's ass but in order to do that a person needs a special card to which a well-funded bank account is attached. I don't have that at the moment, and I can't very well walk into Play It Again Sports with a hundred dollar bill and say "I'm feeling nostalgic, can we pretend this has the buying power it had three decades ago?"

I used to have a sugar daddy. Twenty or so years ago. He bought me a dog and a darkroom setup and a bunch of burritos and alcohol and we never had sex. It was great. He was going to get me a Roadrunner but I couldn't afford the insurance or the gas and you don't make a Roadrunner a daily driver, everyone said. So instead we put a glass pack muffler on my '89 Ford Escort and big tires on the back wheels to give it a mean tilt. Then we drove it to Yellowstone.

It was a good time.

Maybe I should give him a call.

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_{A percentage of this post's rewards goes back to support the community.
All the stuff (pictures, words, etc.) I put in this post and any of my other posts is mine (unless otherwise stated) and can't be used by anyone else unless I say it's ok. If you want to offer me a substantial sum of money to use my content, I'll consider it. But it has to be enough to pay off my credit card debt and cover hockey expenses for the next year. Maybe two if I'm any good.}