Identifying my triggers

Let me tell you people about me and my anger…

Whenever I get angry, I get panic attacks and my heart was always skipping beats. My face was always wearing a frown and my skin looks so dull, like I don't nourish it. In fact, I was ugly.

I was a teenager, but I was getting a midlife crisis like a 40years old adult because of anger.

Those days I use to be an angry bird, I'm always in pain. If you ask me what is causing the pain, I do not even know.

You see what we call pepper body in Nigeria? That use to be me. I get upset without even being provoked, to the extent my siblings started avoiding me and I started noticing this rift in my family.

Our home was always tensed, home became uncomfortable. In fact, I was toxic.

What changed?

I wanted to be happy, I would rather not feel pain anymore because the only thing anger does is cause you pain and anguish.

I didn't want to always be on the defensive end, I didn't want life to be too serious.

Furthermore, I wanted to be a jolly good fellow, and then I started identifying my triggers, what causes me to get angry. The first thing I noticed was that I wanted to fix everyone in the same box, I wanted everybody to be like me, I expected everyone to be prim and proper.

I wanted people to behave in a certain type of way according to my preference. I was so self-absorbed, not until my mother talked some sense into me.

The day my mother told me how she's just tolerating me because I'm her child, I jejely came down from my high horse. Me that use to feel like the perfect human being, I am now the one being tolerated? I was so hurt.

At the same time, that was all the caution I needed to start being considerate and understand that everyone is unique and should be allowed to grow and experience life at their pace.

I started protecting my sanity. Anything that will threaten my peace of mind, I cut if off. I stopped trying to change people, especially those I am romantically involved with. In fact, currently, I don't have the strength to be angry again.

The moment I start sensing my triggers, I automatically disconnect from the situation, and that has been helping me a lot in my anger management journey.