On tantrums and Bob Marley

Do you have kids? Do they have meltdowns? Tantrums? Going-batshit-crazy days? There come these days where your kids are losing it. They cry for everything. Like every little thing. From the way you look at them, the color of their cup (no, that's not an urban legend. They really do that). In theory, I know all the tricks. I've read all the books. I know one must create an action between the kid's action and one's reaction. I know that when little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not to join their chaos. I know one moment of calm can save us a thousand moments of regret. But sometimes it's so hard. Sometimes I feel like they are some kind of werewolves in disguise.

I have read somewhere that kids tend to ''fall apart'' where they feel safest. And if a home is a place where the kid feels trusted and secure he or she will tend to fall apart there. So you should kind of take it as a compliment when your kid has afterschool tantrums. And after school/practice/kindergarten/playdates and other social situations are where the kid is forced to socialize and compromise and follow some rules he might not even like. And I don't mean it in a bad way. Kids should learn to cope with stress and adapt to others and to function within a group but behaving properly is hard work. I know it is for me. But it's a sign of a well-raised human that he controls his emotional outbursts in public.

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( you should definitely know about L.R. Knost. She is one of my favorite parenting resources and she is currently going through a major personal battle with cancer so if you can support her in any way, by donation or by buying her book or even sharing her work I encourage you to do so. Read more here: https://www.facebook.com/littleheartsbooks/posts/805949779435628)

So then your greatly behaved kid comes to his loving home and has an epic meltdown what do we do? Well, I often have a meltdown of my own but on some days, and I hereby declare that that is my #1 new year resolution, I do great. I am patient, I am kind, I am firm, I'm not permissive...and after a well-handled meltdown, I feel epic.

Like the king of the world.

So today was a day like that and it was like a rocket launch. 3...2...1...and then at one point everyone was crying. But for me. I was an epic mother today. So, except being all chill and zen, I used music as well. I mentioned scrambling through self-help techniques yesterday. Well, one thing that never failed to help was music.

I love music. I listen to a wide variety of music. And I care about it. I find it to be ''Opća Kultura'' to know certain artists and songs. I mean, you don't have to like The Beatles or Dire Straits but if you don't know about them or have never heard Help or Sultans of swing, you sir are an idiot. Sorry. When I was a kid first we had the radio and when I was a little older MTV (the actual Musical television, not the 24/7 reality show tv) so I had to listen to a wide variety of music. Later when CD players came about my mom brought in all kinds of CDs for us (like Jose Carreras or Vanesa Mae or No Mercy. I to this day love No Mercy. )

I now feel that was an enormous both privilege and advantage that my kids don't have because we have neither radio nor tv. Just YouTube. But ''S čim imaš s tim klimaš'' or in English, you make the best of what you have. So I try and expose them to as much of different genres of music I can. We tend to sing songs when they suit a situation, like when my middle one climbs on furniture I use to sing ''Get down, get down'' It's Back Street Boys, not that a decent human would need that clarification. Or when they ask for help in getting dressed or fetching stuff I sing Help from The Beatles. There are a lot of cool stuff they've picked up on. They also have different tastes in music and have had since they were little. So my middle one loves Kim Wild. My oldest one likes Boy George and Coldplay. The smallest is a peasant and she likes Croatian folk music like Zlatni Dukati or Zlatko Pejaković.

What do tantrums and music have in common? Today we went from ballistic to zen with a little help of Bob Marley. They really enjoyed it. We listened to One Love and Three Little Birds (they got three blue plush birds for Christmas and love playing with them). I do take enormous pride in them enjoying nice music. I keep telling them knowing those songs is something everyone should know. Like common knowledge. Basic culture. How do you feel about music and kids? Do you think parents should teach kids about what is good music or should it be left over to kids to find out on their own? Do tell in the comments. I look forward to your input. And if you have forgotten about what proper music sounds like visit one of my favorite FB pages Mrtvo Hitovlje. Or translated ''The dead hits''. There is this legend it's run by @gingergeorge but I'm not sure.
https://www.facebook.com/mrtvohitovlje/

If you need some gentle parenting resources on tantrum handling try here:
http://www.gentleparenting.co.uk/kc/coping-with-tantrums/
http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/2013/12/29/toddlers-tantrums-and-time-ins-oh-my-2/