Chasing a feeling

Yesterday was my off day from work and I spent a large part of it relaxing. The other part of it was spent searching and applying for jobs.

I have tough skin, so I've already gotten used to the rejections. However, even though I'm used to it, I really want to feel something different.

No matter how tough your skin is, too many rejections will find a way to seep through. It's really affecting my confidence and generally weighing me down.

I know I am capable of doing a lot more than lifting boxes at a warehouse. However, the problem is that I haven't gotten an opportunity to prove that I can.

With every rejection, a tiny part of confidence fades away. It's an annoying feeling but one thing for sure is that I am not giving up.

Right now, my mind is flooded with all these Ls I've been taking. In fact, this is the most Ls I have ever received in my life, so it is generally a new experience for me.

For what it's worth, I know that the fact that I'm taking in a lot of Ls indicates that I am trying. Internally, it still just feels like pain and my hope is slowly fading.

It's strange how all it takes to fix the pain of hundreds of Ls is just one W. It's a feeling that I'll keep chasing, no matter how dented my vessel gets from the Ls.