Bambii's dairy

Day 1

I'm exhausted. Every day feels like a new kind of drama—different situations, different people, different emotions. A lot is happening in my life, and somehow, I can’t seem to handle it all. Sometimes, I feel like losing it completely, but what choice do I have? I’m already here, living this life.

Whenever I call my boyfriend, hoping for some reassurance, he always says, "There's nothing you can do. Find a solution." I get it—he’s busy, preparing for two major exams—but I wish he’d say something more, something comforting.

Today, I finally snapped. I let everything out—every bottled-up frustration, every unfiltered thought. I ranted. I insulted people. I didn’t even realize I was hurting anyone. But it turns out I did. And now, they’re angry. Even the ones I once called friends. They started gossiping about me, laughing at me, calling me names—all because I spoke my mind.

It hurts. A lot.

I never meant to hurt anyone, but somehow, I did. And now, it feels like a good number of people hate me. Just this once, I decided to be completely honest, to say exactly what I was thinking, and it backfired. Maybe I should never speak my mind again. Maybe I should just stay silent.

To make things worse, I just realized I’ve been studying the wrong course for my upcoming in-course exam. Two weeks left, and I’m already in severe academic danger. I walked to school tonight to do a night class and, hopefully, clear my head, but the weight of everything is still there.

And then, there’s my boyfriend. We barely talk these days. I know he’s busy, but I miss him. I miss how things used to be between us. It’s frustrating not having him around when I feel like I need him the most.

Maybe I’m doing too much. Maybe I need to close up for a while—stop talking to people, stop trying so hard. Just focus on my boyfriend and my mum for a week. See if life feels a little more peaceful that way.

I’ll try it. I’ll observe. Maybe this is what I need. Maybe silence is the answer.